Strange love makes me itchy
by xDeadlyDiseasex
Summary: What Sakura has a grandpa? What he's the akatsuki leader? Well if that isnt scary enough... i think i smell burnt love in the kitchen!
1. Unexpected letter

It's my first fanfic so please go easy on me  Read&Review plz

Yes it's a Deidara/Sakura fanfiction I like weird pairings spare me

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Chapter 1: Holy crap I have an uncle 

It was a peacful quiet day. All the birds shut up for once so the crazy neighbor didn't have to throw shurikens at 'em then accidently miss and hit the neighbor's shin. And a very peaceful Saturday morning where your bed is warm you don't want to leave and it's a Saturday were there's no work no loud noises.

BEEP 

**BEEP**

**BE-**

"SHUT UP" Yelled the oh-so morning person Sakura Haruno. She had to go to work in 5 minutes because she was too lazy to wake up an hour earlier. So unwillingly she rolled out of bed and hit her head off the stupid must die RIGHT NOW nightstand. "I always hates that dang thing one day it's gonna become firewood."

Sakura sat up with her hair everywhere kinda shaped like hornes she stood up and went to the bathroom to wash her face, brush her teeth etc.

After getting dressed wearing a black tight under shirt, a black skirt that went to the middle of her upper thighs and some black sandles that went to the bottom of her knees **(Yes I like black sorry if you don't but I do so she's gonna be hardcore in my story)** she made her way to the hospital.

She didn't do much except sit her lazy ass in a chair and play pacman online. Nothing exciting. After almost breaking the computer because she kept dying a very loud obnoxious voice yelled right in her ear "SAKURA-CHAN I NEED HELP AHHHH-" Sakura grabbed him by the throat with 10 veins popping on her forhead. "What. Do. You. Want. Now" Asked the pleasant Sakura through clenched teeth. Looking at him she saw he had bruises everywhere.

After letting go of his neck she sighed "Don't tell me Hinata is abusing you." She looked at Naruto after his coughing and sputtering trying to get air he nodded.

"Why are pregnant people so violent?" asked Naruto in an innocent voice.

Yes it's true Hinata and Naruto got married they always were a cute couple Sakura admitted. She always actually tried to keep Naruto away from Hinata 'cause she was so innocent and so cute like a care bear that you don't want anyone to hurt it. But ever since Hinata was suppose to pop a baby we all saw a more………violent, gory, scary, Freddy Kuger and Michael Myer's kid kind of scary.

Heck she's even more violent then Ino-pig when she's PMSing. Witch is saying A LOT.

Sakura sighed and after healing Naruto she shuved him out of the hospital and gave him advice "Go buy her flowers no chocolates and get her favorite sappy romance movie and watch it with her and try not to talk."

After Sakura died 5,000,000,000 times on Pacman. It finally was 12 am time to go home!

She couldn't wait to go sit on the couch drink some cappachino while reading some dirty girl novel.

As Sakura walked in her apartment she flipped through the mail "Bill……Bill…….Bill……..Bill……..Letter from grandpa….Wait I don't have a grandpa"

Looking over the mail she never remembered her mom or dad mentioning a grandfather so she decided to open it

_'Dear Sakura,_

_You might not know you have a grandfather, but you do. Your mother and Father didn't mention me for reasons you'll soon understand. I heard that you were a top medic-nin in Konhana_**(Im not sure if I spelle it right sorry if I didn't)**_ surpassing Tsuande. I need you to meet one of my ninja's at the gates Monday at 3 pm I'll tell you more when we meet._

_Sincerely,_

_ Jin Haruno.'_

"Strange I wonder if he's like my perverted uncle that my mom never let me go around? Well I guess it wouldn't hurt to go see him."

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Who's Sakura grandpa I dunno plz review and tell me flames allowed cause I don't think I did good 


	2. Atleast my mom isnt a goldfish

Yes it's me again I don't really have anything planned out so im just kinda going along with it so give me some props Im gonna try to make it funny no promises. Also what sakura wore last time she's wearing now cuz I don't feel like changing her outfit and I forgot to mention she's 17 with the short pink hair maybe an inch longer than her chin mkay.

Read& review plz! Ill give you a free goodie bag

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_Chapt. 2: ATLEAST MY MOM ISNT A GOLDFISH!_

So here Sakura is pissed at 4 pm at the gates no one's ass is here, raged is not enough to express her anger then FINALLY someone in all black shows up and bows at Sakura "Im sorry im lat-"

"SORRY I WAITED AN HOUR WHERE WAS YOUR FAT ASS!"

The guy looked at his ass then said "Im sorry, but we should get going"

Seventeen yr old Sakura grumbled under her breathe something about 'ripping off nats', but lets not go into detail.

Ten minutes later Sakura finds herself infront of big double doors out in the middle of the deep forest that im sure not even Bambi knew where even they were. It was like a big black colored mansion with a couple windows here and there.

The mystery guy with the non-fat ass opened the door and motioned for Sakura to follow. As Sakura walked in she saw four people in akatsuki cloaks and a guy that looked big but was emerged in all black.

The fat weird shadowy guy spoke "Ahh you must be Sakura you've grown"

Looking around just to make sure he wasn't talking to someone else she coughed nervously and said "Rrriiight and you are?"

He laughed like Santa and said "Im grandfather or the leader of Akatsuki"

Sakura nodded and said "Ahh, that explains the cloaks the clouds the red and black and………..WAIT MY GRANDPA'S THE AKATSUKI LEADER!"

One of the four cloaked figures spoke "You're way too loud, un."

The leader or 'grandpa' sighed and spoke getting Sakura out of her raging about to jump the asshole who called her loud "Yes I am, but im still your grandfather mind you. I'd like you to stay here for a year we need medics and seeing that you can spare some talent I'd be very pleased if you would."

Sakura shutting up inner Sakura finally said "What makes you think I'd help you?"

Then the big doors shut and mister santa wannabe said "Because you know where we're located and we could just kill you."

Sakura weighed both of her hands up and down trying to weigh the options in her head and shrugged "Sure why not what's I've got to lose not like someone's waiting for me back in Konhana."

Witch was true after a while everyone moved on and married except for Sasuke that got killed **(Yes I killed off Sasuke sorry for those of you who like him but I don't really so instead of making fun of him being emo and getting more flames ill just kill him off witch I did so BACK TO THE STORY)**. Sakura never really liked him once when she thought about it she only really went afrer him cause she wanted to brush his hair and put it up in pony tails.

"Good now lets introduce you to the crew for the most part"  
Leader took Sakura by the arm and pointed at the guy with long black hair tied in a loose ponytail with red hair and two scars on either side of the face

"This is Uchiha Itachi he's partners with Kisame witch is this one" he pointed at a blue looking fishy guy that reeked like a year old tuna can. Both nodded their heads to show their brooding hi's.

Then he pointed at a guy in a mask with only on eye hole "This is Tobi he's not an offical Akatsuki member" Tobi waved warmly and crinkled his eye to show that he was smiling "Hi Sakura-sama im going to look forward working with you"

Sakura thought he was so cute so she did an "Aww, thanks Tobi im gonna look forward of working you too and don't call me Sakura-sama just Sakura is fine" He nodded and they moved on.

"This is Deidara your new partner and room mate" He pointed at a blonde haired guy with blue eyes that looked too girly to be an Akatsuki member so innocent Sakura tried to be nice and gave a warm greeting "Hi Deidara-chan."

Deidara looked KINDA mad and said "Im not a girl, un"

Sakura looked at him in confusen and said "Oh sorry I didn't know you were a transvestite."

"Im not a transvestite"

"Sorry!"

Leader coughed to try to ease the awkward tension and sai d'Well since you're the first Akatsuki girl member I guess you can pick oyur own outfit ill have Deidara take you shopping tomorrow. Well good bye come by my office if there's any problems."

There was silence that seemed forever until Kisame spoke up "You're the Kyuubi's containers friend right"

Sakura nodded

"Then why are you here"

"Cause Leader asked me to"

"I don't think I like you"

"Ya well atleast my mom isn't a goldfish"

Deidara bursted out laughing with a couple 'un' inbetween them

Kisame grew from blue to red in like .1 seconds with anger and said "Why you little brat"

"Kisame I think that's enough"

"I think he's right Trout-chan you look kinda red"

"Trout-chan"

Sakura shrugs "I like making up nick-names"

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Yep yep its true Kisame's mom's a goldfish I always made that joke I just wanted to put it in the story sorry if its boring and not necessary but oh well.

I got 0 reviews if you don't review its making me sad ILL EVEN TAKE FLAMES! Come on just not the pairing flames I'll take my story stinks never write naruto flames

Tell me if I should continue or not

Samx


	3. Fluffy bunnies

Right I was told that Deidara say yeah not un so sorry ya im righting a third chapter even though I only got 1 review, but oh well im bored so read-n-review plz

Im gonna attempt to make this one long

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_Chapt. 3: Fluffy bunnies_

After the 'happy' little conversation that ended when Kisame called her fat and Sakura twisted Kisame's arm making him scream like a girl, Deidara was walking Sakura to her soon to be room.

"Sooo, can I pet your hair?"

"What?"

"Can I pet you, your hair looks so fluffy and soft"

"No way, yeah stay away!"

Sakura tries petting him, but he stands on his tippy toes to make it harder for her and she falls over and land ontop of Deidara.

Both blushing red were like glued in spot until Itachi and Tobi walks by and Itachi just had to comment, "If I knew you were this easy to get into bed I would've offered for you to be my partner."

Both stood up straight and babbled non-sense like idiots for so long Itachi and Tobi just walked away.

**20 minutes later**

" I did not hit on you don't flatter yourself!"

"Flatter me you were practically trying to rape me and don't think I didn't notice you early undressing me with your eyes, yeah!"

"You wish!"

"Whatever let's just go, yeah."

"Fine!"

They continued walking without any more incidents each still brooding over whose fault it was until Deidara stopped in front of a door.

He opened it and motion Sakura to follow "This is your new room, yeah"

There was one window on the far left side with two cots, with red sheets black comforter and a black pillow with red clouds on it.** (Who saw that one coming?) **

On the right there was one wooden desk with one of those red spinney office looking like chairs. Then on the back wall there were shelves that held clay molds of birds all different colors and sizes and positions.

Deidara walked past Sakura and laid down on the cot next up against the wall, so Sakura guessed she got the next to the window.

Since it was getting pretty late Sakura just couldn't sleep she looked at the clock hanging up on the wall it read 3 am.

She groaned and turned towards Deidara's direction "Hey Deidara are you awake………SilenceDeidara……………Deidara!"  
Nothing so Sakura picked up the red chair and whipped it at him.

That got him up

"What, yeah!"

"I was just wandering if you were awake" She shrugs

After listening to Deidara speaks every word that they'd band you forever if you ever mentioned on the tele tubbies show she laid back down.

"Hey Deidara"

"WHAT, YEAH!" Whispered back harshly Deidara

"Do you got a stuffed animal?"

"What?"

"I can't sleep cuddling up with something soft always helps" Sakura sniffled adding to the little girl in distress act.

Deidara grumbled and walked over and laid beside her "There happy, yeah?"

"Yeah!"

Sakura cuddled up to cute little Dei-Chan then said, "You know you remind me of a bunny"

"What?"

"A bunny im gonna call you fuzzy-Chan"

"And im gonna call you annoying-Chan, yeah"

"Hey be nice!"

"Akatsuki member remember, yeah?"

"Riight, night Fuzzy-Chan"

"Night Sakura-kun"

Sakura elbowed him in the stomach and smiled triumphantlywhen she heard him say a soft 'uff'.

Once when Deidara heard Sakura's breathing even out he thought it'd also be good if he went to sleep all this fluffiness was making him all sick and barfy feeling.

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Sorry if it's not that long but it looks longer on micro word then it does on fanfic so sorry again plz review

Im not gonna make anymore chapters cause it seems no one really wants me to continue that or maybe I started the story out too late cuz I think I did when it was around 7 pm im being too melo-dramatic

Sam


	4. Stupid dirty girl novels

Yes, I decided to continue but im bored so if something doesn't make sense sorry

Read n Review plz

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"WHERE'S THE SPECIAL K!"

Tobi, Itachi, Deidara, and Kisame walked into the kitchen to see what was all the noise, but as they were walking in Tobi got knocked out by some ham Itachi just stared at him deadpaned.

They, except for the unconscouse Tobi, look around the kitchen to see food thrown everywhere and a very loud screeching pink hair kunichi** (Sp?) **Kneeled down infront of the fridgrater throwing food everywhere.

After Kisame almost for slapped by a giant fish he asked, "What are you doing?"

Sakura huffed and turned around "Where's the Special K cereal damnit!"

"We don't have any"

"What!"

"What?"

"How can you not have any?"

"Cause we don't, yeah."

"Wow………you guys suck"

Itachi coughed "Well that's very inappriotpriate for you to say, suck cant you come up with something better how old are you 12?"

Sakura mimicked him and coughed "How about this, burn in hell you narrow minded tacky ass bitch."

Tobi jumped up quickly and hit his head on a pan and fell back down so Kisame said what he was going to "Ohhh, you just got PWNed."**(Sorry for the hole pwn thing but I just HAD to plus I always wanted someone to call itachi a bitch)**

Deidara caught onto Itachi's death glare and grabbed Sakura "Come on lets go shopping for your new clothes, yeah."

Sakura squelled all girly like that made Kisame's ears bleed, but since he's all aqua smelling they didn't care so Sakura grabbed Deidara's hand and practically ran out of the house.

As they where jumping through trees something was eating Sakura up "Hey when do I get a cloak and a ring"

"You've got to earn it first, yeah"

"Well then how do I do that?"

The intelligent Deidara or Fuzzy-chan shrugged, Sakura shrugged and guessed she'd just bug the Leader for it later. Sakura not being the one for silence since she's always with either Ino-pig or Naruto hates it so she thought hard of something to say.

"Soo, what turns you on?" Deidara not aspecting that one tripped over his own big toe inside his sandle and fell fast first in the dirt with a loud thump scratch that, more like a bomb being dropped off in an open field.

Sakura poked him with a stick "Ya okay?"

Deidara covering from shock lashed out and grabbed the stick and pulled it so Sakura and him noise's were touching, his eyes narrowed "Why would you ask something like that, yeah?"

Sakura blushing crimson of the closeness"I want to make sure you were ok."

"No not that the other thing, yeah"

Poor Sakura tried to move the image of him and her kissing out of her head she lowered her eyes, witch was a huge mistake because he landed on his pants. Inner Sakura was f'en freaking out man! Sakura's poor virgin eyes couldn't help but be perverted and picture Deidara naked. 'I shouldn't let TenTen keep talking me into the dirty girl novels I knew they were going to be the downfall of me.'

Deidara was getting impatient with the silence so we tugged on the stick a bit more witch was a huge mistake once again because they both hit each other's forheads. Sakura yelped out of pain and rubbed the now red spot "What the heck"

"Well you were spacing out so I tried to get you back, yeah"

"All you could've done was say my name"

"Whatever lets just go, yeah."

"Mkay whatever you say Fuzzy-chan"

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Chapter 4 is up thanx for those of you who actually review those of you who don't well I got something to say to you

People who don't review get herpies 

Review plz

Sam


	5. Speedo man!

Yes im updating already but im already bored I cant stand sitting here just writing but oh well ill suck it up and get it done because If I stop this I have to do science homework and threes no way in hell I wanna do science so ANYWAYS

**_READ N REVIEW PLZ!_u'll get a free little mermaid plushie!**

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Sakura and Deidara finally got into Grass country in outside a small local place that is, well, grassy. It was a small village type thing nothing fancy kinda on the vagrant (1) side.

Deidara and Sakura walked on the dirt road until they came upon a small building with clothes and manicans wearing them in the windows.

They walked in Deidara ploped down in the nearest chair, Sakura furrowed her eyebrows Deidara shrugged and Sakura took it as knock yourself out.

Now Sakura might be hardcore, badass, etc, but hell she's still a girl give her money she will take it in advantage.

Sakura skimmed through the rows like Kakashi on a free Icha Icha Paradise book contest.

Sakura didn't even look what she was buying she was just taking whatever she passes by.

**---20 AGONIZING HOURS LATER-----**

Deidara yawned after his eventful dream witch consisted of him getting laid, he looked at his little cute bird watching watch seeing that they've been there for FAR too long he walked up to one of the dressing rooms and knocked on the doors "Hey Sakura we have to leave really soon what have you been doing in here, yeah?"

"Okay tell me what this looks good on me."

The door opened slowly, too slow for Deidara's taste so he pushed to door open witch wapped Sakura in the nose who screamed loudly and covered her nose and fell backwards.

"Oh my god sorry, yeah. I didn't mean to sorry you okay, yeah!"

Sakura rubbed her nose and nodded and stood up, Deidara then saw what she was wearing.

She was wearing a black scarf that becomes red at the bottom with the frilly things (Like the one Rikku wore on Final Fantasy X-2) and a black mesh shirt with a red fishnet long sleeved shirt under it and short short that are black with black sandals that come just below the knee.** (It took me like 2 hours just trying to figure out what she was gonna wear im so brain dead maybe I should cut down on the video game time?)**

Deidara witch hasn't been with a girl in 5 months witch would be a decade in guy time was pretty pleased with what he saw, sadly Sakura saw it took and just had to blush "Need to use the bathroom?"

Deidara shook his head out of his thoughts "What do you mean, yeah?" He looked down and got greeted with his bundle of nerves sticking out from beneath his cloak. He looked around frantically and then pictured Kisame in a Speedo from last years vacation break to the beach and his 'surprise' disappeared quickly, cause seeing something like that would pretty much make you wanna have a man-gina.

Sakura finally containing composer "Sooo, im guessing you like it?"

Deidara nodded "Okay I'll be right back"

"Wait why, yeah?"

"So I can take them off to get paid for."

Deidara looked at her as if she were stupid "Who says we're paying, yeah?" Sakura thought for a moment then just figured not to question because she knew the outcome would probably be 'because were Akatsuki when do we ever do anything by the law?' or something along those lines.

So they made their way to the front of the store, witch wasn't hard since everyone was trying to hide from them, well more like Deidara because he got the Akatsuki crap, but same thing.

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Yes chapter. 5 now you can go review YAY! Lucky you now go! Now or ill stick flesh eating crabs in your pants!

(1) vegerant- poor

With love

Sam


	6. Mini P?

Yes im back with orange juice but its crappy tasting orange juice so it doesn't count ONWARD WITH THE FLUFFINESS or just more name-calling and fights same thing

Oh ya and I don't hold anything against Kisame just fish cause onetime I was fishing and on attacked me and I still got the scar on my leg and I was like "What the f?" I say F cuz I don't say the whole word I don't know why I don't I just like F better

Read and review plz!

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They were traveling for a little bit, but since both are extremely lazy for being ninjas they stopped out in a clearing to set up camp.

While Deidara was trying really hard to catch fish Sakura watched just because it was funny to see Deidara get all mad and accidentally fall backwards in the river then come out all like a rat then he had to go back to go get some fish so they could eat.

Sakura couldn't help but snicker at his 'gracefulness' for a ninja he would be a great show clown.

After a couple more tries Deidara came out drenched and all rat looking like.

Sakura snickered "So where's the fish?"

Deidara pulls out a Mino "Here cook it, yeah."

Sakura stared at it wasn't even big enough to catch an f'en rainbow fish "Whets that Kisame's penis, where's the fish?"

"This is the fish, yeah!"

Sakura stared at it a bit more and blink every 10 secs.

After ten minutes Sakura sighed and rubbed her temples "Just set up camp I'LL go get dinner."

Sakura came back with ten fishes that were HUGE may I add nothing like the Mino that Sakura actually kept and name it 'Mini P' and it's in a water bottle, what could she do she couldn't let it back a crab might mistake it for a worm and snap off its head or something horrible that only nature and maybe some S-class criminals could do so she kept it for the hell of it.

After a nice meal that Sakura cooked, whole crap who knew that knew Sakura could cook? Not me well actually I do, but moving on.

THE NEXT MORNING CUZ I CANT JUST RIGHT IT NORMAL I GOT TO PUT GAY BOLD CAP THINGIES

They were walking after packing up it was around 8 Sakura was doing a crossword puzzle and Deidara was talking to himself inside his head

'_What do you mean?'_

'**I mean wouldn't Sakura look good in a bikini?'**

'_I thought we were talking about dolphins!'_

'We were until your hormones kicked in' 

'_Were did she get the cross word puzzle from anyway?'_

'Dunno why don't you ask her?' 

When Deidara opened his mouth Sakura cut him to it "Whats another word for Bunny?"

"Rabbit, are you really that stupid, yeah?"

"Im not stupid…just some parts are missing."

There was a pregnant silence

'Say something stupid!' 

'_Like what?'_

'Tell her she looks nice or some thing! 

"Are you tired, yeah?" Sakura shook her head no "Why?"

"Because you've been running in my mind all night, yeah."

Sakura stopped in her tracks witch caused Deidara to stop to "Did you just use a pick up line on me?"

Deidara mentally kicked himself, but kept his cool and shrugged "I was just flirting, yeah."

"When you hit on me you sound like your signing up to a Star Trek book club."

Deidara looked around all suspicious like then pointed an accusing finger at Sakura "I don't care what you say Star Trek was a good show, yeah!"

Sakura didn't want to carry on with the topic anymore afraid to find out if he's one of Spawk's fanclub, so she let it go and started walking. The rest of the trip consisted on silence and occasional "Damnit" when Deidara accidentally trips on a tree root.

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Chapter 6 oh yes now go review plz I would greatly appreciate it cuz I wont update anymore until I get more reviews

Sam


	7. Mmm Gai and orchi secret lovers possibly

Yes sorry it took too long but suck it up im sure you survived…. Sadly

Anyways on wards with the perverted offending jokes!

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"Mwhahahahahahahahahaha toast!" Everyone watched as Sakura dashed straight into the kitchen once when she got in the door.

Itachi, Tobi, and Kisame hurriedly turned off the tv as Deidara sat on the pleasantly soft couch on the left of Kisame. Sakura came back in with toast in her hand as she did a rolling back flip on the couch between Itachi and Kisame.

"Give me the remote bitch!" Sakura asked Itachi, he glared at her "No."

Sakura tried to get it but he held it over his head, she leaned in and accidentally put her hand dangerously close to his inner thighs witch shocked him and he dropped the remote.

With lightning speed Sakura grabbed the remote and gloated, "Eat it whore!" Sakura turned on the tv and very loudly all you could hear was loud moaning Sakura started freaking out and flung the remote at Itachi's head "AHH MY POOR VIRGIN EARS AHHHHHHHHHHH SAVE ME! AHHHHHHHHHHHH OMG IS THAT ALL YOU GUYS WATCH!"

Deidara hurriedly, quite ungracefully grabbed the remote and turned it off.

After Sakura stopped freaking out her face as red as a tomato Kisame started laughing loudly "Hehehehe you're still a virgin how pathetic"

Sakura hit him across the head "Don't make me break out my Jesus stick and hit you with it to show you what you've don't wrong!"

Tobi gave her a stupid look behind his mask "Do you even know what a Jesus stick is?"

It was Sakura's turn to give him a dumb look "Hell no but it sounds pretty Shweet."

Kisame looked at her "Give me some toast" Sakura stuck her tongue out "Hell no its mine get your own stupid hooker."**_ (No offence to those people who are hookers there's nothing wrong with being one!)_**

Kisame made a grab for it and Sakura stuck it down her pants. "Mwhahaha get it now flaky fish!" Ksiame gave her a perverted smirk, Sakura saw his hand reaching out and she grabbed the toast out of her pants and whipped it at him hitting him in the eye with it and ran away screaming rape.

Deidara had nothing to say 'cause he had not f'en clue what was even going on all he knew is that Sakura's ass looked pretty damn good when running away from a pervert._ 'I really need to get laid, yeah'_

While Sakura was running she ran into Leader, let me tell you he looks pretty damn good in little pink bunny pjs with a yellow care bear hooked in his arm. "What's with all the noise it's 3 am in the morning?"

Sakura coughed then started fake sobbing "Oh my god it's horrible so I was just minding my own business when me and Jake were going up a hill going to get a pale full of water when this big ugly monster on steroids came and made Jake into soup! Then-Then-Then.." Sakura couldn't think of anything else so she made popping noises with her mouth.

Leader looked at her funk-eh then readjusting out of shock he just had to ask, "What is your problem?"

Sakura shrugged "I don't have a problem im just cocky…mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm banana bread!"

Leader pretty much weiderded out screamed like a girl and ran away leaving a dust trail behind him…witch was kinda weird since there was carpeting in the halls, BUT MOVING ON!

Sakura ran back to the stop stairs of the living room seeing a big flat screen tv and a big black leather couch in front of it and three Akatsuki dummies sitting there, one here bitch of the year he favorite DEIDARA! "Hey Fuzzy-chan get you're nice shaped ass up here and don't forget Mini P!"

Deidara was bright red by embarrassment and blushing for Sakura yelling across the room rather loudly about her ass, Kisame being the very curious person had to ask, "Who's Mini P?"

Sakura smirked and said "Your mom she looks a lot like you too ugly, stupid, and she smells like Orchimaru and Gai's rooms after intense hot man sex!"

Sakura ran away and fast after sensing Kisame's death aura kick into over drive!

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There you go! Maybe it was funnier maybe Im on crack I wouldn't know you decide! I would ask for a review but ill never get one so MOVING ON!

Sam!


	8. Good old fashion tummy rub

Ohh im updating already im on a roll well not really actually im sitting her with some orange juice and chocolate covered peanuts!

Read-n-review

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Everyone was seated in the dining table eating toast since everyone left Sakura to cook for breakfest since everyone thought since she's a girl she'd know how to cook, oh how wrong they were and had to pay for it by coming back in to see 20 pieces of toast in the middle of the dinning table Sakura on in a white halter top and black tight short shorts the kinda looked like underwear but really were under shorts.

Leader at the head of the table Itachi at the other end and Sakura by Leader with Deidara beside her Kisame across from her and Tobi by Kisame, they were eating their toast peacefully.

"Hey Leader when do I get my cloak and ring I want one really badly like right now BRING ON THE ACCESSORIES!" After everyone was done looking at Sakura weirdly for sounding like Chuck Norris in the big capt. Letters.

Leader coughed nervously hoping dearly she wasn't PMSing because itd just make this situation more……….awkward per say, "Well about that you see…I kinda made a bet on you-"

Sakura stood up abruptly thoroughly ticked off "What the f'en ghetto do you mean what kind of bet and what does this have to do with me becoming Akatsuki?"

The Leader sighed "Well you see…….." he frigteded in his chair a little awkwardly "Well one day I was out…..and about……..and I kinda ran into Orchimaru he seems to knew I was related to you and we got into a poker bet and…..well for the first 5 weeks you have to go Orchimaru's place and be of assistance there for a little while."

_Thud_

Everyone looked over to see not Sakura passed out, but Deidara Kisame whooped for joy "Hell ya no more snot nosed little brat running around shaving one of my nuts in the middle of the night and leaving the rest hairy!" Everyone looked at him funny, Tobi was the first to speak up "Kisame-sama Sakura didn't do that you got drunk and did it."

Kisame laughed nervously and rubbed the back of his neck out of nervousness.

Sakura turned to Leader "So you're saying I get a chance to go and annoy the fuck out of the sound nins?" Leader nodded.

Sakura pumped her fist in the air "Fuck yeah those whores will bow to me!" After Sakura was done crackling evilly she ran out to go to her room to create the smallest piece of clothing that would put girls in brothel houses to shame _hell if I have to walk around gay guys why not have fun?_

After Sakura was packing she stood in front of the big old oak tree with Itachi, Tobi, Deidara, and Kisame, waiting for the sound nin to come pick her up to drag her to hell of the gay mans lair.

Sakura was wrestling with Kisame for the hell of it while Tobi was holding Mini P and his goldfish bowl. Itachi was playing Lame-Boy **(Its exactly like Game boy but I created Lame-boy after it so HA EVERYONE BUY MY SEXY LAME-BOY!)**.

Deidara was gawking at Sakura teenie-weenie-ittsy-bittsy clothes.

Sakura was wearing a black swim suit top with tight black short shorts that look like undies and a fishnet long pants with striped dark gray and black sleeves that had the thumb hole cut out that the sleeves cover the other four fingers like gloves and her hair was all feathered out on the bottom looking shiny and soft once again, oh thank lord who ever in her family gave her such sexy hair.

Finally Kabuto showed up and stuck his hand up "Sorry for the wait shall we wait"

Sakura looked all sad and turned to every that looked sad, well after Deidara had to throw a rock at both Itachi and Kisame to look sad for her absent.

Sakura was really sad and rubbed her tummy in a circular motion "Don't worry guys I wuvvy you alls and miss you!"Sakura hugged them all and humped Deidara's leg so he'd stop hugging her so tightly.

After the sappy good-byes and Kisame's perverted comments Sakura took Mini P and walked with Kabuto towards the hell witch is known as Orchi's sex house full of men!

Kabuto looked at Sakura up and down "Well who would've known the sweet cherry blossom to join Akatsuki and dress in such..Revealing clothing."

Sakura shrugged "Hold my goldfish!" Kabuto obliged and held it watching carefully as Sakura fished out some cheez-its shaped as chibi Gaara **(Gaara's so cute like a little panda bear!)**.

Kabuto had this feeling, call it women's intuition call it man pms call it what you will be he had a feeling it was gonna be a long ass week.

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There you go! Happy yes I had to send Sakura away im sorry! But hell Deidara needs time to think about what he feels and Sakura has to go break necks with some filthy pervs.!

Sam


	9. Gay parade and how the nut shaving began

Yes another update you people have to love me for this and if you don't well then blow me!

Sorry for that anyways for Reikai101's question probably is dead but he's alive in my story cuz I like his tongue also a lot of people from sound that are suppose to be dead are alive cuz I don't have the heart to kill them off so whoop!

I really wanna make a Sakon/Sakura fanfic so I might not do this for sometime but then again I probably will do it cuz im not daring enough to do that kind of fic cuz Id just make the pairing look bad not meaning to so onward with the story!

Read-n-Review

There will be a lot of gay jokes nothing is wrong with being gay I have gay friends im very sorry if you are highly offended I mean no harm what so ever!

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"How longer I ran out of cheeze-its." Complained Sakura she seriously had enough of walking on dirt roads she could've sworn the stupid fat squirrel was following her.

"A little bit more ways, so tell me how did you come to go into Akatsuki?"

Sakura shrugged and kicked an innocent rock "My grandpa's the leader witch is kinda creepy, maybe that's were my cousin got to become interested in all this kinky stuff poor Ino-pig dated him once she looked worn out, witch is surprising because she's usually on top-"

"WERE HERE!" Kabuto didn't really wanna hear the rest of the sentence afraid to know anything else, but kinda turned on by it all the same.

Sakura looked ahead and there they were, the guys from Broke Back Mountain- I mean sound nins.

There was Orchimaru, Kimimaru (I would tap that), Kidomaru, Sakon, Ukon, Dosu, Zaku, and Ebisu.

**(Yes I know half of the guys I named off are dead but I like them so Im keeping them!)**

Orchimaru put on a perverted smirk, but less scarier then Kisame because he didn't have the sharp teeth "Well hello Mrs. Haruno I hope you'll enjoy the week with us."

Sakura scrunched up her face so she looked like a constipated sour patch kid "I thought it was 5 weeks?"

Kabuto coughed "Believe me a week is probably how long you'd last."

Sakura shrugged "Mkay soooooo, what now! Do we get to play shogi cuz that game is f'en fun!"

Orchimaru handed her a set of brown clothing and a big purple rope "Put these on they're Sound-nin clothing."

Sakura bursted out laughing and handed him back the clothes "Sorry, but NO im not wearing a big purple rope im not part of the gay parade, and plus I like my clothes." Sakura swayed her hips to emphasize her statement.

Dosu and Zaku's eyes bugged out of their head. Zaku pointed, "That sure the hell beats the red dress from back then!"

Sakura looked dumbfounded "Wow and I thought everyone in sound was gay!"

Everyone gave her a dirty look and Kabuto said calmly in his normal manner "I can assure you that we are all straight."

Sakura wasn't buying it "Mmmhmm like any straight guy would go with a guy with a big snake without question, think not."

Sakura looked around seeing not very people don't like her already and grinned, "Well shall we go! I wanna get this bitch over with before my Soap Opera comes on!"

Orchimaru nodded "Yes, well Sakon and Ukon will be your guide. He will show you to your own temporary room."

Sakura jumped up and down "I get my own room!" He nodded "F'en Shweet!"

Kimimaru gave her a look and said, "Well unless you don't want to be alone you can always come and bunk with me."

Sakura rubbed her tummy "Mmmm no thank you! Kabuto give me back Mini P so I can go get myself so more food."

Kabuto handed her the mino and asked, "Why did you name it Mini p?" Sakura shrugged "After Kisame's twin brother."

Orchimaru thought for a second "Kisame doesn't have a twin brother."

Sakura grinned all she-perverted like. Kidomaru made a gagging sound "Eww have you ever thought about keeping some things for yourself?"

Sakura laughed loudly and place her hands on her hips and smiled triumphantly "Nope! I will not sugar coat the answers you ask you hear the truth and if you don't you still do!" Sakura clapped her hands together happily, everyone sweat dropped except for Kabuto and Orchimaru they're too 'cool' for that.

Sakon grabbed her forearm "Lets just get this over with."

Sakon turned around and Ukon made a face at her "Ukon stop it your scaring her." Sakura shrugged "I saw worse." Sakon raised an eyebrow "And what's that?"

"One time I had to give Lee a physical." Sakon and Ukon shuddered at the thought of Lee in a nightgown.

MEANWHILE IN THE BATLAIR OR AKATSUKI BASE

Deidara felt awful and he didn't even know why!

'**Cuz you like her pin-head'**

'_HOLY CRAP Whose THIS!'_

'Your logical self I used to be there when you were five but your parents got rid of me by extensive therapy.'

'_Oh I remember you! Good times!"_

'**Right whatever anyway you feel sad cuz you love the annoying chick with a nice ass'**

'_Sakura no I don't love her!'_

'**Plz don't go to the hole denial crap cuz we all know you do and it'll be like too long before you finally admit it and if you seriously wanna wait forever and all the agonizing drama and girl tears I suggest you just suck your proud up and admit it.'** Replied Deidara's logical self with an annoyed hinted in his voice he also kinda sounded high too…hmm I wonder were he's been hanging out all those years!

Deidara nodded _'Well since you put it that way… hmm I guess your right im gonna tell her once when she gets back, but before that I wonder if I can get Kisame to drunk again and have him shave one nut.'_

'There's the spirit now if you'll excuse me I have to go see my friend Timmy-G about some vagisil.'

'_Right by Pablo!'_

'Bye Tad!'

Deidara shook his head wondering where in his mind will his logical non-mental friend would be getting vagisil.

Deidara got off the roof "Hey Kisame I think you drink like a puss-eh!"

"What! I'll proof you!" Kisame came barling down and into the kitchen and got out 5 sake bottles and 1 shot glass. _'Stupid fish I wonder were I put that razor..'_

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Will Kisame shave his nut?

Will Sakura ever have to go through the sickness of giving Lee another physical?

Dunno guess you'll have to read hmm right! I don't support drugs I think its stupid to do them but why not make a joke about them cuz somehow when someone mentions drugs I think of Deidara, Itachi, and Orchimaru all in a circle smoking weed talking about sex life and Orchi whips out a picture of him and a cross dressing man in a wedding gown beside him.

I have too much time on my hands! Eat it whore

Sam


	10. Suck my Hana and a peeping sarah

_**OMG WHO ARE YOU AND WHY ARE YOU IN MY BED!?**_

_**Wait this isn't my bed nvm!**_

Im updating again only becuz the Internet owns my soul but im not complaining

Im probably gonna have time pass cuz they need to be together so it can be a sickening fluffy that it' make you rip off your own ear or at least trade it in for a car rim

Read-n-Review

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After Sakura was settled in everything were she wanted it, and the crap she didn't have the patient to actually find a place for she just stuffed under her bed.

When Sakura first walked in it all f'en snake skinned like the camo black dots and light brown backround now it was RED AND BLACK! (Evil witch melting and screaming from the Wizard of Ozz in the backround)

Sakura crackled evilly looking at the magazine that look frayed and torn. It had a shirtless hairy chested fat buffy guy on the front with a black leather mask on his face with spikes sticking out randomly and 3 holes 2 for the eyes and one for the mouth.

Sakura slipped out of her room and started down the corridors looking for the room of her victim. It wasn't really hard to find it since they had gold plates on the doors with their names engraved in it. I mean I thought Orchimaru was smart what if someone snuck in? Stupid bastard.

After Sakura found the right door she slipped the magazine under his door but left just enough showing on the outside that in big bold red letters that came out looking clear against the wood floors the word **'Gay Porn'** oh this was going to be the best week of her life!

Sakura skipped down random corridors yelling **_"HAINTS"_**

Everyone wondering what was going on ended up at the same hallway with Sakura in the middle smiling innocently with her hands behind her back moving her top body slowly from side to side.

Orchimaru looked at her analyzing what the little brat was doing "What's Haints?"

Sakura grinned "A scary homeless man. Sorry for the noise I saw Dosu and thought he was gonna jump me for money."

Dosu gave her a weird look "I didn't see you."

Sakura grinned, "Cuz you were too busy reading your gay magazine witch you shouldn't leave under your door you don't know who might take it."

Everyone walked briskly away to go to Dosu's door to see if it was true and once when they got there Dosu got a rude awakening. He knew it wasn't a good idea to bring her here and he was right.

**With the four idiots**

Kisame was groaning not only did he have a huge headache that he couldn't look at the pictures of his playboy, but he got drunk again and shaved his nut and was bleeding badly and now had to hear the lecture of some old hag telling him of how immature he was and hearing Tobi and Deidara snicker in the corner.

'_I cant believe he fell for it AGAIN! Oh Sakura if only you could see me now.'_

Deidara coughed making Kisame groan from noise "Im going to go take a shower have fun."

Kisame flipped him off and opened his eyes and got his eyes burned by the bright light as the old hag hit him on the chest "Don't open your eyes idiot!"

Deidara snickered and finally closed the door.

BACK WITH THE SPITEFUL SAKURA AND HORNY WEIRD GAY GUYS 

Sakura was in the library looking through a huge telescope when Kabuto walked in and asked, "What are you looking at?"

Sakura was startled she jumped aside face red as a tomato 'NOTHING!"

Kabuto looked at her from the corner of his eyes and adjusted his glasses and walked towards the telescope ignoring Sakura's pleading.

Once when Kabuto gazed in the telescope he regretted it because the telescope was positioned to see far away and into a window, a window were you could see a naked Deidara showering.

Kabuto coughed and said "I wont tell Orchimaru-sama about you and your…. repulsive hobbies, but next time I will. Dinner is ready plz follow me."

Sakura clapped her hands together for the food part because once when they got here they made her get far away from the kitchen saying dinner would be done soon witch was un-true cuz it was done in an f'en half an hour! Sakura was highly not satisfied with waiting that long.

Everyone at the table watched as Sakura cut up on mac-n-cheese noodle with a butter knife and fork, Kimimaru who was pretty freaked out by it asked, "What are you doing?"

Sakura smiled and pointed to Mini P that was sitting on the table next to her swimming around in his fish bowl "He can't eat big things so I cut it up for him."

Everyone shook their heads Sakura laughed and said "Suck my hana!" Kabuto's eye twitched "What?"

Sakura laughed "Well when I was done looking at Sakon and Ukon shower I saw this book on their desk and there was this word in it that said Sasqwahawna and im all like suck my hana!"

Sakon and Ukon's eyes bugged out of their head "You were watching us shower!?"

Sakura nodded "Right after I was done watching Kidomaru and Zaku dress."

Witch wasn't true Sakura actually got Sasqwahawna from a book she read in 5th grade and she wasn't spying on anyone she just wanted the to feel uncomfortable!

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Its nine im tired going to bed night night its short really short suck it up


	11. Whats another word for synonym

Im speeding this up cuz it's suppose to be a deidara and sakura thing not sound people!

So I sped up the prossess

Woot

Read-n-Review

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Happy yelling could be heard in the ten-mile raidus and a couple Sound nins in the living room arm in arm skipping in a circle singing 'The evil witch is gone'.

When Sakura burst down the stairs and laughed loudly "Not yet!"

Sakura ran onto the couch and sat between Kimimaru and Kabuto. Orchimaru next to kabuto and Dosu next to Kimimaru with Zaku to his right.

"What'cha guys watching?"

Kimimaru grabbed the popcorn from Zaku "Broke Back Moutain."

Sakura snorted trying to contain giggles. Kabuto looked at her and adjusted his glasses "What it's a tragic movie?"

Sakura bursted out laughing, "The only thing tagic about it is the main character couldn't sit for a week after getting rid by the other guy like a stallion!"

Dosu shook his head "Your horrible."

Sakura shrugged and got up. Sakura walked around clicking her tongue.

Kidomaru hit his plastic fork with a shot glass to silence everyone someone was still talking so he threw the fork at them, Sakura snickered.

"We're all here to celebrate the passing time of the stupid- I mean smart intelligant spitefu- wonderful…human."

Sakura smiled "Aww thanks Kidomaru we all knew you were a Sasauge Jockey!"

Zaku nudged Kabuto "Whats Sasauge Jockey?"

"A guy that takes it from behind." Zaku made a sour face.

Dosu also added "Well we'll sure won't miss you!"

Sakura grinned, "You know Dosu someone said that you're fit to sleep with pigs, I stuck up for the pigs."

Dosu faked laughed and gave her a dirty look, Sakura just brushed it off.

Ukon opened his mouth to say something, but Sakura cut him to it "Why don't your just open your mind and shut your mouth both are empty anyway."

Sakura stuck her tongue out just to show she was playing around and Ukon just shrugged it off knowing that either way Sakura was always like this.

Some random sound nin came up behind Sakura and said, "So how about you me go on a date seeing how we're both uber hot."

Sakura put her hands on her ears and said, "See no Evil. Hear no Evil. Date no Evil!"

Dosu chuckled.

Sakura smiled and put in one more thing "Well thanks to all you people now I know why some mammals eat their children. And with that I am off!"

Sakura picked up Mini P from a table and Kabuto grabbed her backpack.

Most of the trip was silent Sakura couldn't wait to see Deidara, Kisame, Tobi, and Itachi's faces again, but she wanted to see Deidara's more because she made her feel weird but a good weird.

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Deidara, Kisame, Tobi, and Itachi waited for Sakura by the oak tree they waited for Kabuto to take her away. Deidara had a bunch of Lillies hidden in his coat for Sakura he didn't want anyone to know to think of him as a pansy so he didn't tell anyone.

To tell the truth everyone bought Sakura a gift even Kisame, but they didn't tell either one hoping that Sakura would go easier on the torture and name calling not that Tobi ever fell victim to them, but he was just naturally nice.

Everyone was spacing out witch they didn't notice Sakura running down the dirt road until she tackled Deidara. After waking up from his deep thinking he hugged Sakura back.

Sakura stood up smiled "Im back give me hugs and presents if you miss me!"

Everyone just stared at her Sakura pouted "You guys suck."

Kisame grabbed her and gave her a nuggie "Welcome back squirt."

After Sakura got out of Kisame's death grip Tobi and Itachi greeted her the way normal civil people do.

Tobi pulled out a small square box that was wrapped in black with red clouds wrapping paper "Here I got you something."

"How sweet of you!" Sakura tore it out if his hand and ripped the box and the wrapping paper to shredds and held up her gift it was…. DUN DUN AKATSUKI RING!

Sakura jumped up and down "Hell ya!!" After Sakura put it on Itachi handed her an Akatsuki cloak and hat witch Sakura put the hate in the cloak and put on the cloak it was big you couldn't see her feet so it looked like she was a ghost of kinds, but fit well.

Then Kisame gave her a big fish bowl with a miniture playground in it with small rainbow colored pebbles at the bottom "Kisame I don't think I could fit in there you idiot!"

Kisame sighed, "It's not for you it's for Mini P."

Sakura made a 'oh' with her mouth and picked up Mini P that was on the ground and poured his water and him in the big fishbowl he seemed happy, but pretty pissed off when he couldn't sit down to swing since he's all fishy like.

Everyone looked at Deidara, his face was bright red and he pulled out 10 lillies witch was held together by a sky blue bow.

Sakura was thrilled she never got flowers before! She jumped up and down and thanked Deidara 50 times before they set off on the way back to the mansion.

While they were walking all four listened to Sakura babble first it was about Sound and all she did witch Kisame and Deidara snickered at, then it was questions that had nothing to do with anything.

"One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor...

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. 

I went to a bookstore and asked the sales woman,"Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

What if there were no hypothetical questions? 

If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

Is there another word for synonym?

Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"

What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

If a parsley farmer is sued can they garnish his wages?

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs? 

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

How is it possible to have a civil war?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?

If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have "S" in it?

Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"?

Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become disoriented? 

Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?"

I-"

"Sakura!" Sakura titled her head to the side asking a silent what to Kisame  
"Shut up we're here"

Sakura shrugged and ran into the house and tackled the couch and turned on the tv and loud moaning once again filled the room.

"AHH WHAT THE HECK!"

Deidara and Kisame ran in, Deidara wanted to know what was wrong, Kisame knew what it was he just wanted to see her reaction.

Sakura started screaming and running around as Deidara tried to find the remote and Kisame snickered at the door way.

Itachi and Tobi sighed.

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Hahaha another one bites the dust!

Review now!


	12. Oh goodie gumdrops!

I am updating again sorry the last two were kinda late I have to finish this cross-stitching and I had to count like little teeny weenie little holes and I cant could just once I have to recount cuz god knows I cant count good.

Thanks to all those of you who review I appreciate it

I probably not gonna write a lot cuz I was making toast today and the stupid toast wouldn't go POP up all like so I stuck a fork in the toaster and it fell down in there so I went to go get the fork and I burnt my typing finger 

Read-n-Review!

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NO WHAT NVM I DON'T FEEL LIKE WRITING SO HA!

No jk okay now you can read

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Deidara woke to the sun in his face. He rolled over to his side and came face to Sakura's sleeping face laying flat on his pillows, he hair sprawled out everywhere.

This always happened Sakura would get a bad dream and come stalking over to his bed nothing ever happened, to his disappointment.

Sakura wilged in the blankets.

Too hot……… need food ………need umpa-lumpa 

Sakura huffed and sat up, Deidara did the same.  
Sakura looked over at him as he willged his eyebrows suggestively "Morning sweet cakes!"

Sakura smirked trying not to grin "Morning powder puff."

Sakura giggled seeing Deidara pout childishly.

Sakura pulled off the cover and went to her dresser and grabbed extra clothes and exited the room to go to a shower.

Deidara sighed and got up as well to go take a shower.

After Sakura was all squeaky clean she got on her usual attire (Black skirt that went to mid thigh, black under shirt, black sandals that stopped just below the knee BLAH BLAH BLAH)

Sakura ditched the sandals and put on some pink and white-stripped socks that had little bees on them and went into the kitchen and glided just to fall on her ass.

Tobi, Kisame, and Itachi sat at the table drinking coffee and eating watching as Sakura lifted her butt off the ground and rubbed it while burrowing her eyebrows together mumbling swear words.

Sakura walked to the fridge and got out the bowl of whipped cream and grabbed a spoon and went over to the table.

Deidara walked in with a towel lying on his head and got himself some coffee!

Deidara sat next to Sakura who was pigging out on Whip Cream!! (Nummy Nummy Nummy I love whipped cream!)

Leader came in next and smiled at the five making them all twitch…something was up.

"Ahh I see the people I just wanted to see. There's this mission-""Mission?" Sakura eyed him carefully.

Leader sighed "Yes mission you see there's this guy-""Guy?"

Leader sigh irritated "Yes guy and if you don't stop interrupting me ill break out the Jesus stick and hit you over the head with it until your eye socket bleeds or the stick breaks. And believe me your eye sockets will bleed before my stick breaks because my stick has the power of GOD in it!"

Tobi nudged Kisame and whispered, "SO that's were she gets it!" Kisame just nodded.

"Anyways.." Leader glared at Sakura daring her to say something, but she just stuck her tongue out. "You five have to go on a mission there's this guy that owes us money. I need you five to go retrieve him ALIVE and be able to talk so ripping out vocal cords is a no-no! He usually spends his time at the bar he's in mist country more info is on the scroll witch Itachi has."

Sakura gawked "Why does he get the scroll!"

Leader shrugged halfheartedly "Because I feel like it."

Sakura stomped her foot childishly and turned her head and pouted, "That's no fair!"

Itachi stood up and put his cup in the dishwasher "I get the scroll because im responsible and I wouldn't use it or try to burn it."

Sakura put her forefinger on her chin in a thinking pose "Now that I thunk about it.. You're right!"

Everyone sweat dropped.

Tobi whipped out a handy-dandy dictionary and looked up a word "Thunk is not a word Sakura-san."

Sakura looked at the dictionary cover Tobi had and smiled "Because you don't have the right dictionary!"

Tobi gave her a questioning look. Sakura grabbed his dictionary and flung it out a window were live action cows with RABIES ate it.

Sakura then took out a notebook that had the words written 'Sakura's Dictionary to SUCCCESS!' and in the middle was a chibi drawn Sakura in a circle colored in with blue crayon. And on the back was written 'Published by our lovable Crayola!'

Tobi opened it and tried searching for thunk but while looking he notated something "It's not in alphabetical order."

Sakura giggled, "Of course not silly it's in incoherent Order!"

Everyone looked at Sakura dumbly "Or other words mean LOOK CAREFULLY CUZ I DIDN'T PUT IT IN ORODOR SLEEPING BEAUTY WAS SUPPOSE TO BUT SHE JUST KEPT SLEEPING AND WHEN SHE DID WAKE UP SHE MADE OUT WITH THE COMPUTER WITH A PICTURE OF DUMBALDOR ON IT!"

Everyone sweat dropped again. Sakura crackled evilly before saying "Oh goodie gum drops!"

And with that she left everyone to go pack her belonging for the mission!

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Ive been working on this for the hole weekend Im getting brain blocks

I can't say writer cuz im not really a writer SO REVIEW!

Oh goodie gum drops!

Sam


	13. Get in meh belleh!

Another bits the dust!

And the comment from itachisgirl101 is that a good thing or bad thing?

I never really understood that comment but oh well

Another chapter and believe me people shall bow to it!

Kukuku (Evil weird laughter)

**READ-N-REVIEW!**

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Sakura, Tobi, Deidara, and Kisame all sat on the couch waiting for Itachi to finish packing.

Sakura poked Deidara in the ribs "Lets go see what he's doing." Deidara nodded.

Sakura crept up and opened the door silently just to see Itachi in a pink frilly dress that went up to his knees so you could see his hairy gorilla legs! And he was sitting in front of a mirror putting on dark red lipstick and when he was done with that he grabbed the powder.

Sakura slammed the door opened and pointed an accusing finger at the shocked looking itachi and yelled, "That's kinda fruity!"

Deidara hurriedly grabbed Sakura before Itachi killed her but Sakura clung to the doorframe and took out the camera snapping a couple pictures of Itachi getting ready to kill Sakura and the camera.

Reluctantly Deidara pried Sakura off of the doorframe just in time to miss the fist flying at her head.

Itachi got dressed and got off all the make up and stomped downstairs seeing four people on the couch all red trying to hold in laughter making them look like blow fish because they were holding in breathe in the cheeks.

Itachi stomped up to Sakura "Where's the pictures." His voice laced in venom, but Sakura shrugged non-chalantly and grinned, "Say hello to E-bay the world wide garage sale!"

Itachi narrowed his eyes at the she-witch.

Deidara not wanting to loose his first love interest coughed loudly and said, "Time to get going!"

They walked for quite sometime Itachi still mad didn't let them take any breaks so had to travel even in nighttime. They really didn't talk most of It in silence because they all could feel Itachi's dark aura practically swimming off of him one twitch of an eyebrow will make you bleed eternally in ten different places and make your kidney explode!

After traveling two days straight Sakura got tired, Deidara noticed and being the gentleman he was offered to give her a piggy back ride so she could sleep.

Sakura was too tired to refuse so she handed her bag to Deidara witch he gave both his and hers to Tobi who was more happily to oblige seeing he was helping a friend.

Deidara kneeled down and Sakura got in his back and was knocked out instantly.

Deidara chuckled lightly seeing how Sakura wasn't affected that they could possibly be

Ambushed

Robbed

Get attacked by the fat squirrel that's been following them for a while

Deidara could slip and fall and break his neck and Sakura would fall off and Moby Dick would come and eat her leg

Deidara is as much useful as a one legged man in an ass kicking contest

About a couple hours later Sakura woke up all happy and dandy, but there was no way in hell she was gonna walk so she made Deidara keep on carrying her.

"Were are we now!"

"Shut up."

Sakura rubbed her eye with her wrist and glared at Kisame "But im as confused as a blind lesbian in a fish market!"

Everyone burst out laughing even Itachi gave a small chuckle Sakura almost fainted, almost until she felt Deidara rubbing her leg, but she didn't mind so she let it slide.

Sakura rubbed her belly and said in a Chuck Norris voice "My mind is like a steel trap, rusty, and illegal in 37 states!"

Everyone shook their head smiling except of course for out living ice princess Itachi.

Sakura whipped out an ipod nano and put on The Ramones- The KKK Took My Baby Away.

That shut her up the whole way no one ever said anything about her bad singing out loud because then she'd start talking again! God forbid that!

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"The KKK took my baby away, they took her away, they took my baby AWAY!"

Deidara dropped Sakura to the ground. Once when her arse hit the ground she yelped loudly and glared at Deidara.

"What the heck Fuzzy-Chan?"

Kisame tossed Sakura her bag at her "We're here."

Sakura slung her bag over her should and jumped up and down "Bath here we come!"

Itachi shook his head "It's already midnight we head straight for the bar, we leave immediately after that. No in-betweens."

Sakura's jaw hit the floor "What the heck!"

Itachi and the rest just walked through the gates and headed for the pub. Sakura threw her hands up in defeat and huffed running up to catch the rest.

Sakura handed all her Akatsuki stuff to a brooding Deidara and walked through the pub.

After deciding Sakura will get the guy to an isolated place and knock him out and bring him to the gates of the village were everyone shall be waiting, Deidara didn't like the idea but went along.

Once when Sakura walked in all you could smell was strong sake and cigerette smoke Sakura had to suppress a cough.

Sakura was looking around when she spotted him. He had greasy hair a stubbly unattractive beard beer/pot belly and most likely doesn't shower. He had a black button up shirt that had sweat stains under his armpits and holey jeans; surprisingly no women were around him!

(Don't snort Pixie sticks sorry to interrupt but my one friend was snorting pixie sticks today in math quite funny until he snorted it wrong and got it in his eye and in one eye he is legally blind PIXIE STICKS SHOULDN'T BE SNORTED IT MAY CAUSE BLINDNESS!)

He looked like a bee of sorts a big fat ugly bee that you wouldn't want in your room late at night when nobody was around cuz he might just sting you up the arse.

Sakura noticing guys were eyeing her also the target she walked sexily swaying her hips side from side to the target A lets call him.

Sakura sat beside him he grinned appreciatively.

He showed it by putting his hand on her thigh Sakura winked playfully and nudged her head to the side showing that they should go somewhere private.

He seemed happily to agree. He took her forearm and led her to the doors and too a small shabby hotel that was WAY older than the 4th Hokage himself.

Once when they got into the small room Sakura pushed him on the bed and whispered softly

"Close your eyes."

He obliged happily, big mistake because once he did Sakura used the pressure point on the back of his neck rendering him unconscious.

Sakura tested her theory by bringing in a chocolate cake and held it up the sleeping fat man.

Seeing that Sakura wasn't attacked she threw that cake on the floor and hefted him over her shoulder.

This guy was HEAVY!

Once Sakura got him on her shoulder she immediately squatted.

When Sakura tried to stand up her back went backwards as her right leg went up in the air.

Quickly Sakura found her balance and jumped out the window with him.

But once when her feet hit the ground she noticed nothing gigantic was on her shoulder.

She looked up to the window seeing only one of his legs were out the window… actually his whole leg didn't even fit from his knee down was only out.

Sakura sighed; she hurriedly broke the wall near the window and put him on her shoulder.

"Come on fatty there's a cake at the end of the walk hang in there"

Once when Sakura said cake she heard the fat man's heart jump for joy.

Sakura being the person she was couldn't help but put on a Fat Bastard accent and said

"Get in meh bell-eh!"

Sakura laughed at herself, too fun having fun with fat unconscious people it should become a holiday!

After a couple more minutes of walking down a quiet dirt road getting strange looks from some old people she started seeing the gates.

She would've jumped for joy if she wasn't carrying a 799.9-pound man over her shoulder.

Sakura grinned "Hey get him off me he's REALLY heavy!"

Everyone came over and helped Sakura with the icky greasy man.

Now all to do was to go home quickly get a shower and avoid the tv until Sakura has Tobi or Deidara to check for anything 'unwanted' to show up.

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_**ONE CHAPTER LEFT AFTER THIS!**_

**Its true! Swoot!**

**Review**

**Sam**


	14. I love you DUMBASS!

Last Chapter have fun!

READ-N-REVIEW 

_**THAT MEANS YOU!**_

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Deidara looked around the corner nervous as ever.   
Today was the day he'd brush his teeth!

No actually today is when he'd tell Sakura his undying love for her.

He took a couple more deep breathes turned the corner and.. came back to his hiding spot.

Stop being a pansy 

_I not! It's just that…what if she doesn't feel the same!_

Go by that kind of k-y lotion that warms on contact I heard it makes a good personal lubricant.

Deidara shook his head he took some more deep breathes and pitched his arm hard then went around the corner back straight stiff as a board.

He walked triumphantly into the kitchen were Sakura was eating angel cake.

Deidara fidgeted "Sakura I……….I……….unm……….well…uh"

Deidara got more nervous when she didn't even pay attention but kept eating

Deidara meaning it innocently said, "You shouldn't eat that"

Sakura looked up eye twitching "Are you calling me fat!"

Deidara looked shocked and scared "No I wa-"

Sakura huffed and walked out not even letting him finish.

Deidara looked at the door and got new found courage and yelled at the top of his lungs "**I WAS GONNA TELL YOU I LOVED YOU DUMBASS!"**

Just as the door was about to shut fully Sakura came back in looking surprised "What was that."

Deidara rubbed the back of his head nervously and looked at his shoes "Please be my girlfriend because I am shit without you."

He then found himself looking at the ceiling with a squealing Sakura on top of him hugging tightly.

Deidara couldn't help but blush madly.

But like great things they cant last forever their happy moment was interrupted by an awkward cough.

The both sat up and saw Kisame, Itachi, Tobi, and the leader he smiling widely at them even Itachi had a small smirk on.

Leader spoke "About time you two finally know how each other feels."

Everyone nodded Itachi then turned to Kisame "You owe me $600 and those jeans that make your butt look good in them."

Kisame growled but handed his money and booty jeans over.

(Are those space pants CUZ YOUR BUTT IS OUT OF THIS WORLD! Lol sorry)

Tobi then said slyly "Kiss her already idiot."

Both turned red and looked at each other.

They moved toward each other cautiously until Kisame finally pushed the two together that their lips finally met.

It was sweet and blissful not rushed but both felt their blood race and their heart beat pounding in their ears.

By the windowsill Mini P and the fat squirrel kissed to well actually the squirrel was chewing the bowl while Mini P tried to uhh.. Lets say 'Impolinate' the squirrel.

Leader took out his yellow care bear_ (You all thought I forgot about it was in the one chapt.)_ and kissed it passionately.

SORT OF LEMONISH LIMEISH EXTRA 

That night Deidara and Sakura kissed again, but this time deeply it was more needy, more wanting.

Neither knew what to do Deidara never watched the movies with Kisame and he never had physical experience.

Neither did Sakura she heard some small bits from Ino and others but she was too embarrassed to buy anything on it.

They both went on impulse, Deidara was first nervous but relaxed as Sakura reashored him in comforting looks and small 'eps' and throaty moans.

That night Sakura decided to stay with the Akatsuki what more could she want?

She has everything she wants… Except that the kitchen sink still has to be fixed.

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I tried to make a lemon but I pansied out in the last minute

Well last chapt. No more make a sequel if you want cuz im not

Review

Sam


	15. Sequel or no sequel?

Hello its ME AGAIN!

Kukuku

Sorry anyways

People want me to make a sequel, well I would if I got any ideas but my mind is being a stupid hooker and is ignoring ME!

Did anyone make a sequel to this anyway? Becuz if you are or did plz let me know

And to those who want me to make one I don't think I can I don't know what to write about cuz they're already in love and they know and Itachi got him booty jeans!

(Actually I made a one-shot with itachi in booty jeans dancing to 'My milkshake' so look that up its funn-eh! I think it was but w.e)

What would their to be to write about?

I MIGHT THINK ABOUT WRITING A SEQUEL if you give me ideas and plots I like

But it has to be funny cuz what's a deisaku fic without tears drama and laughter?

Sam


	16. Yes another itch fest!

I MADE A SEQUEL!

It's true though not many people did comment I felt necessary to cuz I wanted to

It's called "The itchingness always spreads' its true

SO GO READ AND REVIEW THAT!

Sam


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